By Derek Sienko, Chief Mental Health Officer Diversified Rehabilitation Group
Over the past few years, too many Public Safety Personnel (PSP) died by suicide. These losses are devastating. They shake our units, our families, and our sense of safety. As someone who has served beside many of you, and who now work as a mental health clinician supporting first responders, veterans, and civilians, I want to speak directly to you, your spouses, and your friends. This isn’t just another mental health message, It’s personal. I don’t pretend to fully understand suicide. Yet, life brought me closer to that darkness than I ever imagined.
My Own Descent into the Dark
Several years ago, under the weight of emotional exhaustion, accumulated trauma, and unrelenting internal pressure, I reached a breaking point. The emotional pain was so intense that I couldn’t cope. I began to believe that my wife and children would be better off without me. Those thoughts became louder, more convincing, more urgent.
One day, overwhelmed and numb, I got into my car with the intention of ending my life. I was on my way to drive off a cliff. In that moment, nothing mattered except the hope of finally silencing the pain.
I prayed. I asked God for forgiveness and at the last possible moment, I saw the face of my oldest daughter as clearly as if she were sitting beside me. She simply said, “Dad, I love you.” I hit the brakes. You could say she saved my life. I believe she did.
Lessons Learned
Today, supporting first responders is my calling. I know, both personally and professionally, that suicidal thoughts are not a sign of weakness. They are often an accumulation of trauma, depressive symptoms, operational stress injuries, isolation, shame, and emotional exhaustion.
Suicide doesn’t happen “out of the blue.” It builds quietly, invisibly, inside strong, capable people, and that is exactly why we must speak about it openly.
Mental Wellness: Daily Maintenance
Our mental health is not something to attend to only when we hit the wall. It requires ongoing commitment; the same way we brush our teeth every day to prevent decay. I call this mental health hygiene.
When you’re sinking, you often don’t notice it. Emotional pain numbs your awareness. That is why prevention, and connection matter so deeply. Here are nine steps we can all take:
1. Share What You’re Carrying
Talk to your spouse, your kids (when appropriate), your partner, a trusted colleague, or a friend. Don’t suppress the stressors of the job. Voice them. Processing is essential. You do not need to share the specific details of what happened at work. You can simply say, “I had a very hard day at work. I need a hug,” or, “I need a bit of space to regroup.” Your family already knows when you are not doing well. Withholding information can create uncertainty and worry, while appropriately sharing your emotional needs supports connection and healing.
2. Join Peer Support
Groups such as Badge of Life Canada (BOLC) offers understanding, camaraderie, and a safe place to speak openly, and free of judgement. You are among first responders who walked the dark pathway; they have your back.
3. Build a Life Outside the Badge
Build friendships beyond policing. Cultivate connections that remind you of who you are outside the uniform. For instance, one first responder found renewed purpose and a supportive community after joining a woodworking shop filled with retirees who welcomed him into their routine.
4. Practise Mindfulness, Gratitude and Journaling
These simple daily habits help you become more aware of the present moment, reduce emotional reactivity, and manage stress more effectively. By focusing on what you’re grateful for or reflecting on your thoughts and feelings through journaling, you build mental resilience and a stronger sense of calm. Over time, this helps you stay balanced, grounded, and better equipped to handle life’s ups and downs.
5. Have a Personal Mental Wellness Plan
Just like an operational plan guides a mission, your mental health needs structure too. Build your plan with clear coping strategies, trusted supports, and awareness of your warning signs. Have a safety strategy ready for when things feel overwhelming. Seek out a therapist who truly understands first responder culture and the unique challenges you face. Commit to ongoing maintenance sessions. Mental health isn’t a one-time fix, it’s continuous care.
6. Consider Early Intervention Programs
Access confidential mental wellness supports available through your employer or union. You can also participate in maintenance programs like PIVOT, or Trauma Stress Recovery Program. Do not wait until your life is already unravelling. Contact your designated Occupation Health Services Office.
7. If Addiction Is a Struggle, Seek Help
Programs such as Edgewood, Sunshine Coast, Homewood or similar centres can be life changing. There is no shame in treatment. Reach out for help to your employer or benefit provider for assistance and support. You can also connect our office at info@diversifiedrehab.ca or at 1-888-402-8222.
8. Move Your Body, Practice Box Breathing
Regular exercise is a powerful way to improve mental health. It boosts mood by releasing feel-good hormones, reduces anxiety, and helps lower stress levels. Exercise also improves sleep quality, which is vital for emotional well-being.
Practice box breathing. It is a simple yet very effective technique of inhaling, holding, exhaling, and pausing for four counts each which calms the mind and reduces stress.
9. You Are Not Alone
If you are reading this and struggling, even quietly, even secretly, please hear me:
- Your life matters
- Your pain is real
- There is help
I came frighteningly close to losing my own battle. I know how dark it can get. However, I also know that recovery, hope, and meaning are possible even after the darkest night. DO NOT wait reach out for help, Suicide Crisis Ph# 9-8-8.
